I kicked off a research project to interview 1st-gen immigrant female leaders because I like to help female leaders like me to advance their career with more ease and authenticity. I want to understand their experience, challenges, doubts, fears, and dreams.
My first interviewer is one of my best friends. We had a wonderful conversation. Toward the end, I thought about asking her for the next woman leader to talk to from her network.
As soon as I had the thought, my energy changed. I got out of the flow and the connection I had with her. I started to feel uncomfortable. She noticed my dry laugh and called it out. At that moment, I even denied my embarrassment.
However, I reflected some more. I told her: “I feel like a burden to others when I ask for people’s time.”
Consciously, I know this type of conversation is enjoyable. People often don’t get the opportunity to be listened to deeply nor reflect on their career and life. However, subconsciously, I couldn’t get over the thought of burdening others.
I pondered on this for a few days. I know this is a core issue to work through in order to build a thriving word-of-mouth coaching business.
In a speed coaching (yes, just like speed dating) session, I got an insight in 3 minutes!
I was asked: “where else do I feel like a burden in my life?”
My answer: “no. not all all. I don’t let myself go there.”
I pride myself to be in the position to provide, to serve, and to solve. As an engineering leader, my tendency is to look for challenges and solve them. Don’t get me wrong. I do ask for help bluntly, but for others.
I hardly ask for help for myself. Moreover, I avoid putting myself in the position of needing help.
Why?
The truth is, asking for help feels weak. It’s uncomfortable. It’s vulnerable. I want to be the strong one offering solutions. I want to feel good.
When I led a team, I educated my team asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. I see courage when others ask for help. I see audacity toward something big when one person can’t achieve it alone. But somehow my subconscious mind didn’t translate the same thing for myself.
Wow and ouch! The realization is amazing and painful at the same time.
How selfish I am, not allowing others to be in the position to feel good when they have something to offer. Maybe, asking others for help can actually be a gift to them.
With that said, it’s time to truly walk the talk. I sit in the discomfort and ask all of you – who do you know as 1st generation senior women leaders I can interview on their experience, challenges, pains, doubts, and dreams?
Please email me if you have someone in mind.
Love,
Wen