“The Three Great Mysteries: air to a bird, water to a fish, man to himself” ~ Hindu proverb
I was on a call with a potential client. She reached out because she isn’t happy about where she is and wants to find out what she should do next. By the end of the call, she has a better understanding of what she’s excited to do and the steps she can take to create that experience from where she is.
She arrived at the insight in less than an hour with me. At the end of the session, she said “the insight and the next action should have been more obvious to her”.
And I told her, the thought she has is completely normal.
Just like a bird unaware of the air or a fish doesn’t even think about the water it’s in. We humans are the biggest mysteries to ourselves. It’s hard for us to see things that might be obvious to others. It’s called blind spot. We human eyes, literally, have blind spots that we just can’t see anything there.
Same thing applies to psychological blind spots like:
- We are driven by the “shoulds” we receive from others.
- We can’t see clearly where we want to go next.
- The barriers that make us communicate less effectively.
- We get burned out and feel stressed all the time not knowing why.
Seeing the blind spots is the key to improving our life. That’s where transformation comes from. However, we humans are a mystery to ourselves. We can’t see ourselves clearly without someone holding a mirror for us.
Before I had my own coach, I always avoided conflicts because I thought conflicts were bad. They create tension and make people uncomfortable. I thought avoiding conflicts is the way to maintain great relationships. Until, my coach asked me: “how well is what you do right now giving the great relationships you want?”
My world turned upside down with that question. I realized, by avoiding conflicts, the other person didn’t even know I was upset. It’s a mis-opportunity for communication. I’ve decided for them that my voice doesn’t matter. The worst thing is I continued to build up resentment in me. I wasn’t happy. The truth is, by avoiding conflicts I made the relationship more distant and fragile. I didn’t give people the opportunity to really know me.
Ouch! I started to observe the same pattern at work and in my personal relationships.
Luckily, when I saw that blind spot, I knew I could make different choices. I started expressing my concerns. At first, it was shocking to people because I hardly pushed back. I explained I rather be uncomfortable and share my true self – because I truly care about our relationships! After the uncomfortable talks, my relationships with others deepen and I feel seen. Seeing the blind spot and choosing to embrace conflicts literally changes my relationships for life!
This is why the best athletes have coaches to help them reach and maintain peak performance.
This is why behind every great leader, is a great coach. (listen to Eric Schmidt talked about having a coach)
This is why I have my own coaches.
And, my coaches have their own coaches. 😉
Partner with a coach to transform your life if you let it!
Love,
Wen
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