Even though my family had a humble beginning, my aunt married very well according to Taiwanese’s standard.
My uncle had his own business in Taiwan and overseas, making tons of money. They together owned many properties in high-end neighborhoods. They had maids taking care of their daily life. Others often treat them to lavish meals. For the first time, my aunt got to enjoy a prosperous lifestyle. My aunt was generous to herself and those around her.
Until, my uncle lost it all to gambling. All of a sudden, all houses were sold to repay the debts.
She went from living a luxurious life to having to support the family. My aunt demonstrated amazing resilience and tenacity. With a high school degree, she became the breadwinner to provide decent education and life for her two young kids. More than 20 years have passed, she has raised a beautiful family. She reached financial freedom before retirement age.
When I heard the story, I had so much admiration for what she has created for herself and her family regardless of the adversity.
When I complimented her, her response after a long sigh was: “But I’ve never felt truly happy. Whenever I think about how much better my life could have been, I can’t help but build up more and more resentment toward your uncle. I even went to visit a property we owned before knowing that I won’t ever be able to afford it again.” She sighs again out of dissatisfaction and worries.
I don’t pretend to understand the excruciating experience. It must has a toll on her. But, I truly want her to be happy especially after she has done so much. I care about her so much that I don’t care about being direct. So I told her:
“Yes. It’s definitely uncle’s fault to gamble and lose everything. He needed to take the responsibilities. Yet, it is YOU that choose to continue hurting yourself in the past 20 years. It’s like death by a thousand cuts. You choose to reply the event and focus on what you might have missed again and again. Once you take the responsibility that it is YOU that make the choice to be unhappy, you can take the power back and make a different choice. You can choose to enjoy the financial freedom you’ve created. You can choose to appreciate your health. You can choose to be grateful about the two great kids you’ve raised.“
“The only thing limit your freedom is your thoughts.” ~ Steve Hardison
Not that many people would talk to her like I did. It can sound harsh but it’s a bitter medicine. She pulsed for a few seconds to digest what I said.
I know it’ll take her time to resolve years of blame, guilt, and shame following her all these years. Yet, I also know she has the power to make herself happy if she chooses. And, she absolutely deserves it.
For us, the event can be bankruptcy, layoffs, betrayals, or “mistakes” we label. It can be seen as the end of the world at that moment. The truth is that we humans are resilient. We always have the power to choose our thoughts to prevent the thousand cuts, to heal our wounds, and to love this precious life.
Love,
Wen