“What do you really want for your wedding?” my coach asked.
“I want my family to be here!” I replied with tears coming down my face.
It seems like such a small ask. Yet, it took me more than 30 years to discover how much I had suppressed my desires unconsciously.
Growing up, I learned to only get the cheapest or the most necessary things. I learned that things didn’t come easy. I learned to save for the “rainy” days. I learned money was scarce.
So, I trained myself to be “smarter” about money – I carefully calculated the chance of getting what I want versus the disappointment of not getting it.
Oftentimes, I didn’t even ask.
These old beliefs shape how I make decisions today, especially toward money.
Well, my money beliefs are challenged greatly after I got engaged.
You see, wedding cost is the most “wasteful” thing according to my money stories. It’s all business schemes. Why do I need to pay for overly pricy photography, venue, makeup, cakes etc in the name of a wedding? Why is it important to look good? Why do we need to invite so many people?
In order not to spend money on what I think aren’t “necessary”, I decided not to invite anyone who needs to fly in.
I downplayed the importance of the wedding and found perfect excuses to be “considerate” – the flight tickets are super expensive in summer. Or, my aunt and uncle are too old to take such a long flight from Taiwan.
I thought I was clever.
It’s not until I broke down in tears in that coaching session, I discovered how much I WANT my family to be at my wedding.
I realized how important they are to me and how meaningful it is to share the milestone with them. When I picture them with me at my wedding, I feel expansive love!
What on earth was I thinking earlier!? Of course I want them to witness these important moments!
When I am able to step into my heart, I know money is NOT the real issue.
The real issue is the fear of being disappointed or rejected. I don’t want to feel hurt or not being valued so I don’t ask.
The irony is when I don’t ask, I already reject myself. By rejecting myself, I reenforce the signal that I’m not worthy.
Ouch! It hurts so much yet it feels so good!
Because I know, I can make different choices from now on. I start to see where else I have been censoring my desires because of fears.
I start asking for what I truly want and having fun observing what happens next.
Don’t get me wrong. Of course, I don’t get 100% of what I ask for.
But I know when I follow my desire, I expand immediately knowing that I matter, 100% of the time!
The best part is, I might get what I want as I’m looking to book 4 tickets for my family to be here at my wedding! 💖
How about you? What will happen if you ask for what you want?
Love, Wen
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