“I don’t want to get married. If that’s what you want, we probably shouldn’t be together.”
This is what I told my partner more than 8 years ago when we started dating.
Back then, I didn’t know how to express myself.
You see. I was born in a family where we don’t talk about feelings. It feels like a taboo. It made me feel weak and exposed.
Even the thought of saying “I like you” to her made me feel embarrassed.
Luckily, my partner is completely different.
She is brave enough to be the first one to say I love you.
She gives me unconditional love.
She is faithful, patient, and supportive with me.
However, all these years, I felt there was a wall between us.
That wall was my story around marriage.
My dad remarried soon after my mom passed away.
He had two complicated relationships that led me to think that marriage is just a joke.
Moreover, it is like a prison keeping two unhappy people together.
There are consequences to being in a marriage.
For the longest time, I believed it’s “true love” when two people choose to be together without that license.
We don’t need that piece of paper to prove anything. We are happy, free, unconstrained – so I thought.
Yet, on the journey of expanding myself, I hit the wall.
The wall prevented me from fully committing myself.
The wall stopped me from surrendering.
The wall kept me from experiencing the pure joy of love.
With self-inquiry and tons of work, I became really curious:
- “What’s on the other side of committing and surrendering to love?”
- “Do I need to repeat my dad’s story?”
- Most importantly, “what if I’m determined to create a new story with my marriage?”
Then, I made up my mind to write my own story. Or, I should say – to write OUR stories!
After I made the decision, I proposed in two weeks! 💕
And wow! I feel like I just unlocked a path to the happiest life:
I surrender, trust, and be ALL IN.
All the doubts melt away and the wall is demolished.
I experience expansive love flowing through me on a daily basis.
I can’t stop smiling whenever I tell people about our story.
I am beaming with love and sharing it freely.
As I received the engagement photos this morning, I can’t help but having this post pouring out of me!
How about you?
Who would you be when you are determined to write a new story with love?
Love, Wen