I screwed up badly in a meeting a few weeks ago.
It felt so uncomfortable, as if someone punched me in my stomach.
I felt so shameful. My mind had me believe, “I’m a terrible coach.”
I wanted to hide from my next client, doubting what value I could bring to her. I wanted to escape so badly.
Yet, I couldn’t escape my mind. All I did was replay the conversation again and again, wishing things were different.
Have you ever experienced something like this?
Similar reactions happen when we receive seemingly negative feedback or rejections, feeling like we’ve been attacked.
Whenever I am in a shame storm, my default reaction is to push these “negative emotions” away.
Luckily, numbing and ignoring these emotions never worked. They followed me around regardless.
I finally gave up resisting.
I faced my shame and fears to hear them out—though I’m experienced enough to not do it alone.
I tapped into all the support I have—I journaled, meditated, talked to my partner, and texted my own coach.
My coach, Annie, asked me a question that anchored me for my upcoming coaching sessions: “Are you okay today stepping into feeling the shame and fear while still showing up?”
And, the answer was a clear YES!
So, I gathered myself. I showed up the best I could.
I focused on serving the person in front of me.
I also shared this very story—as a way to expose my fears and help others at the same time.
Little by little, my shame and fears dissipated.
I shared some more as I saw fit in the next few coaching sessions.
Then, shame and fears let go of me as I write this post.
There are so many lessons I’ve learned from this experience. The most important of all is that:
When I am okay with feeling the shame and fear (instead of trying to push them away), I can always walk through them and come out just fine.
So maybe, just maybe, shame and fear are not that scary after all.
Love,
Wen