In a coaching session with a client, she told me that the life subject that she needs to work on is comparison.
We can be in a blissful state feeling happy and content. Until, we learn about someone who’s been promoted, making more money, or making impressive progress in their business. Immediately, we knock ourselves out of the blissful state and focus on how we are not enough compared to others. We build up anger, resentment, doubts, and reinforce low self-esteem.
“Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other – it’s trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out. ~ Brené Brown”
What a wonderful and timely topic!
Me too! For the past two weeks, I’ve been triggered left and right. I created two new clients and was super excited for the partnerships and all the possibilities. Yet, when I heard a male coach making proposals that’s 10x bigger and another female coach charges 3 times more than I do, I fell into misery.
Immediately, I felt small. I tie my pricing directly to my self-worth. I wonder why I don’t dare to charge more. Why are they so confident? What’s the problem with me? The not enoughness came full force!
I learned to sit with my negative thoughts since suppressing them usually has them come back even stronger. I created the space to feel the emotions fully and examined them. It’s not a happy or easy digestion. But it’s a process I need to go through to transform myself.
My client’s words hit me hard. As I coached her, I coached myself too. We often teach what we need to learn the most.
“What is it I truly want? “ – this question got both of me and my clients going!
I choose creativity, freedom, love and ME! I choose to coach people who are weirdo like me. We might not go to the top schools or the best companies. But, we have big dreams, values we thrive for, impacts we are making. We do what we do and shine in OUR OWN WAY. My zone of genius is to see that sparks in my clients and help them get to places they don’t even know possible.
Yes, I can charge more. And, it has nothing to do with my self worth. Other people’s pricing has nothing to do with me, either. Any comparison between myself and others is like comparing an apple to a sloth. It’s nonsense. I finally see the key to unwire the programming I received for so many years.
I understand now – there is no need to define my worth or attach it to anything. My work, my effort, and my impact is how I fulfill my calling. It has nothing to do with my self worth. Because, worthiness is a birthright.
I knew this intellectually. But I finally feel it in my body.
Here is the thing – I am the 2nd daughter. My parents wanted boys and they got three girls. I always wanted to prove that I’m better than boys. I felt less than ever since I was born.
I carried this thought long after my dad passed away. My thought changed a few days ago after I read emails he wrote me years ago. In these emails, his words were full of worries, happiness, cares, and wishes for me. These emails showed the endless LOVE my dad had for me – that I was blind to before.
I wiped my tears and stand taller. I smiled. Because now I know, Worthiness is a birthright. It’s the TRUTH. I need nothing more. There is no need to earn it. I already have it!
Try it on for yourself. It’s so liberating!
For me, the lesson starts with pricing but it expands to so many areas in my life. I used to tie my self-worth to many things: schools I go to, companies I work for, title, productivity, recognition, how people treat me… you name it.
Looking back, it seems silly that I allow all these things to control my happiness. Now, I choose differently. I choose to believe I am already inherently worthy and I choose me!
What would you choose?
Love,
Wen
P.S.