Growing up in Taiwan, especially as a girl, I was taught to be a “good” student and fit in by being quiet, avoiding conflicts, and keeping harmony.
So I did. I brought the learning into my adult life and my work. I learned to tolerate the less satisfying solutions or outcomes in the name of being a “team player” or a “considerate partner/friend/family member”.
Whenever I faced conflicts, my heart was racing. The tension made me so uncomfortable that I just want to escape.
I didn’t speak up about what I truly believe in. I didn’t challenge and hear what others have to say. I didn’t work with others to create innovative or inclusive solutions.
Luckily, my perspective with conflicts completely changed in a coaching session – I realized how much my old pattern had NOT worked for me.
It not only didn’t produce what I really want but created anger, resentment, and distrust. It’s painful to observe the same pattern everywhere I go.
The awareness has created a shift in me – to stay engaged with myself and people, especially when I feel the tension.
Now I actively turn conflicts into gifts to understand myself better, to build stronger relationships, and to create more innovative solutions.
I shared in depth about my learning around conflicts in the past 8 years in a tech leader chat with Multitude.
If you ever struggle with conflicts, please watch the first 18 minutes of the video to learn how you might be able to resolve these conflicts as well!
Love,
Wen
P.S. In celebration of the Women History Month, I’m offering FIVE pro bono 30-minute coaching sessions to any women leaders. If you or anyone you know can benefit from a session to solve a big challenge, please book a session with me!