‘I’m sorry for the late response.’ As I typed these words in an email, I paused and stared at them, then, I deleted them.
They didn’t feel genuine because, in reality, I wasn’t sorry.
In fact, I felt great for not responding immediately!
Last week, I was on a retreat, intentionally disconnected from texts, emails, and social media.
No obligations, no expectations, no ‘shoulds.’ It was pure freedom, providing me with the perfect excuse not to respond to anyone.
I focused solely on myself and my mind, finding the experience both challenging and fantastic.
This week, as I reintegrate into my ‘real’ life, I noticed something about my usual habits.
Each time I started an email with ‘I’m sorry…’ it struck me: I was apologizing out of habit, not because I truly meant it.
Instead, I simply explained, ‘I was away for a week…’
Why do we feel compelled to offer excuses? Is it fear of judgment, or disappointment from others if we don’t?
My coach’s question made me realize: I was trying to uphold an image of being nice, polite, and reliable.
Ouch!
Yes, I’m getting better at saying ‘No’ when I truly mean it.
But I often feel obliged to justify my ‘No’ as if I owe people an explanation.
Does that sound familiar?
With this new awareness, I am intrigued by the idea of saying an honest ‘No’ WITHOUT explanations or justifications.
Thinking about doing it makes me uncomfortable at first.
However, when I picture it further, I feel the authenticity in my body and have more respect toward myself.
- ‘Thank you for asking, and no.’
- ‘I am happy you invited me, but no.’
- ‘I am really not sure yet; I’ll consider it. Please ask me again later.’
Today marks day one of the experiment of living with my honest yes and no answers.
I’ve sent a few texts and emails today and it feels great to be congruent with myself!
What about you? Are you joining me in this adventure?
Love,
Wen