In recent months, my heart aches whenever I hear news about layoffs or talk to people who are impacted. It feels like layoffs are happening every single week.
I’ve been in the tech industry for 15+ years and have gone through many layoffs. 2 years ago, I was on the chopping board for the first time. I couldn’t sleep well the first two nights. It took me 6 months to recover from the traumatic experience (read here). It doesn’t matter if your job is safe with tons of survivor’s guilt or you are the one being let go, it’s hard on both sides.
If you have been laid off recently, I would like to give you a big virtual hug. I write this article for you. I would like to offer some tips on what you might be feeling, what you can do, and a bit of optimism that your future can be brighter afterwards!
Step 1 – Process the feelings: anger, shame, and resentment
When you just learn about the news, it can feel very surreal and confusing. It’s hard to comprehend what just happened while your mind is still on the tasks at hand.
Take a deep breath.
At this phase, anger and shame are likely the strongest emotions. “Why?” And “why me?” are probably the most common questions. As you make up stories to make sense of the situation, you might also be ruminating the “what if” scenarios – “what if I didn’t make that choice, would I be safe?” Or “what if I work a little harder, would I be able to change the outcome?” Or “what if I make a different choice back then”. The more you think, the more shame, fear, regret, and resentment will come up. This is completely normal. Although it sucks, It’s called being human!
At this stage, accepting what just happened and letting your emotions out without judgments (especially on yourself) is really important. Many of us police the negative emotions we allow ourselves to feel. But it might not serve you in this situation. Negative emotions can be trapped in our body longer when we resist it.
“When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.” ~ Byron Katie
The key at this stage is to understand IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. It has nothing to do with your self-worth. You are enough and worthy with or without a job!
Step 2 – Give yourself the gift of time
After you absorb the initial shock, accept it, and handle the logistics. You might still be very confused about what’s next, let alone letting the world know about your situation and how to help you. The first two weeks are usually the hardest because of the busyness you used to operate at work. It takes deliberate intention to slow your mind down.
A very common next question is “now what?” at this stage.
Many people start interviewing right away out of fear of instability and insecurity. However, so many people are burnt out and exhausted from the constant changes and the need to prove themselves. I’ve seen friends jump right back into work without understanding and avoiding what’s not working. Sadly, history repeats itself one to two years later. They can’t help but wonder – “what’s wrong with me?” Repeated layoffs have a serious toll on people’s confidence.
If you have immediate financial pressure, go interview. Yet, 90% of the people I talk to either have some savings or have supportive family and friends. You might not have to find a job right away. The stress of money usually comes from within.
Emotionally, the most challenging part is dealing with losing your identity. Thoughts like “who am I if I don’t work as xxx?” or “I am not worthy if I am not contributing” are completely natural.
My recommendation at this step is to 1) understand how long you can sustain yourself and your family without a job to reduce the heightened stress 2) discuss with your loved ones to seek support 3) take the time you need to rest, detox, and wander.
When I was laid off, I took 3 months off to be with my family and focused on what I WANT to do (instead of things I think I should do). It was healing and nurturing. It’s exactly what I needed to get back on my feet.
What are the things you’ve been putting off when you were too busy at work? Is it spending more time with kids or parents? Working on your home projects? Sleeping for 10 hours a day? Doing nothing?
Pulse reading this post and write them down!
Enjoy tearing up your ToDo list and doing that thing that you’ve been wanting to do! Go wild! Now is the best time!
A pro tip is to find time to serve someone. Serving others breaks the internal messages that cause stress and brings you to the present moment.
Give the gift of time to yourself when you need it the most! You’ll know when you are ready physically and mentally to enter the next step.
Step 3 – Follow your curiosity
With some time off to fully reset your body and allow your mind to wander, you understand what’s not working. Now, you are more energized and excited about what might be next. You don’t need to find the path. What you can do is to follow your curiosity – researching, networking, and exploring rough ideas. Begin somewhere. It’s all about taking tiny steps – every step gives you a little more information about you – what makes your heart sing and what you really don’t enjoy.
This is one of the most exciting times! You are building a holistic view of what’s possible. You are making connections to be inspired by others. You are re-evaluating your values and priorities. You are renewing your energy. You are finding your purpose. You’re building more confidence as you expand your world. There can be ups and downs as ideas and opportunities show up and unfold. Be open with the possibility, be patient (especially with yourself), and follow your intuition.
Pro tips at this step if you want more support:
- Find mentors to explore and gauge opportunities.
- Work with a coach to help you clarify your goals, remove inner blocks, and come up with strategic plans.
- Have information interviews to validate if you’ll enjoy the type of work, what the culture might look like, and what you need to get into it.
Once you deal with your emotions, rest well, and have a good idea on what you want with rough plans, it’s time to play the new game.
Step 4 – Play the new game
It’s exciting to know what you want and go after it – this is the phase of CREATION.
You mainly feel optimistic and determined as you know the direction is right in your body. You tap into the ideas, plans, and connections at step 3 to bootstrap the creation of the new game. As you take steps toward the new game, you might be overwhelmed at times. Self-doubt will come up as setbacks or new challenges come in – questions like “am I really ready?” “how am I competing with others?” or “what if I fail?” are normal. It’s actually part of the game – that means you keep growing and expanding!
At this stage, you want to stay focused on the feasibility of the plan, break your own resistance, and adjust course based on your learnings. You can often feel in the flow with the most growth. Your confidence grows as you take steps to make your desire possibility a reality.
“Desire is possibility seeking expression.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Most importantly, remember to enjoy the journey of expanding yourself into playing the new game!
Final words
Most people I know land a better job with better company culture, a higher pay and a better lifestyle after the layoff. Some people (including me) leverage the layoff as an opportunity to become an entrepreneur with more freedom and fulfillment. The weather can seem grim right now but don’t lose hope! This is the best time to rest, recharge, and consciously write a new chapter in your life!
You’ve got this!
Love,
Wen
P.S.
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