One of the most common fears for people is the fear of rejections.
Me too. That’s why I didn’t ask for things.
It worked well until my coach woke me up when I didn’t even ask my own family to be at my wedding.
It’s so powerful that I wrote a post about The Power of Asking for What You Really Want.
Since then, I’ve been practicing my ASKING muscles.
It’s fun! But it can get difficult sometimes when I receive a NO.
My body reacts – like I’m hit by a bus or someone punches me in my stomach.
I feel sad, small, and frustrated.
My body registers it as “dangerous” so my mind desperately wants me to avoid it in the future.
When this happens, I easily fall back to “it’s much easier and safer not to ask”.
Then, I go back to the unfulfilling and resentful life again.
Until, I get to examine the situation deeper and ask – what I have NO means to me?
The truth is – I had NO means “I’m not worthy” or “I’m not enough”- almost my entire life.
But when I say no to others, I know at that moment NO is what feels right to me.
It’s NOT about them not being worthy or enough at all.
However, when it comes to the NO I receive, I attach meanings and take it so personally.
Ouch! No wonder I didn’t ask for what I wanted before. And no wonder I react when I receive a no.
The good thing is I didn’t die when I received a NO (although sometimes it might feel like it).
It’s great to know I can breathe through the NOs. I’m more than OKAY!
In fact, I learn time and time again – NO doesn’t mean what I have it meant to me.
- NO is “no for now”. I have people come back to me years later.
- NO is a clean declaration. I’m happy for anyone’s power to make a clean decision.
- NO means people are good right now, so am I.
- NO means I trust people always make the best decision for them at the time. No mistake.
- NO reflects more about the state of the other person.
- NO means “Next One”!
How liberating!
The best part is – knowing I’m the one that’s giving YES or NO meanings, I can re-define it.
Or, even better…
Let’s imagine together –
What will the world look like if YES and NO don’t have much meaning?
What does it look like if we are happy either way?
Love, Wen